What is your Superpower?

My boys ask me this all the time "If you could pick any superpower, what would you pick?". I always say invisibility or mind control...but I want to change my answer. I want the power to STOP TIME! I feel like I'm losing time. It's going too fast. I can't keep up and I can't breathe. It would be a smaller show of hands to say "who doesn't feel that way". I want the ability to freeze time so I can catch up, enjoy the roses, enjoy my life. I want it to freeze so I can always remember the feeling of a cold bed, the smile on the face of my kids, the laughter of children the love of my family. I want to freeze time so I can breathe!!! Just for a day. My son is reading this and slapping me on the back shouting "breathe, breathe, breathe".....I would fast forward that part. Life is going too fast. Our parents are getting older, our kids are getting older, I need to find a job, every holiday reminds me how much I miss my sister and how I need to cherish the moments I was given and the moments I have left to live. So now I sing gospel hymns in my head and pray for love, patience, strength....and most importantly time!

Mawwiage, Mawwiage is what bwings us togeder today!

In 5 months my husband and I will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. FIFTEEN YEARS! It is really an accomplishment. I still love him. He drives me insane, I want to beat him to death at least once per day, but I have truly met my match. He can dole out the shit when it needs dolling out, he can make me laugh instantly, he can't fix anything except my broken heart when it needs it, and he's pretty darn good in the sack. This guy is one of a kind. But the reason is this; his parents are wonderful. He grew up with in-tact parents that spent their lives, and still do, celebrating their children. His father is one of the best, if not the best, father I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I owe them much. Their caring and loving attention to parenting made my husband into the man, husband, father that he is. They did not spoil their children with material possessions; they always knew their mom and dad had their back, unconditionally. This is the parent I am, and I always will strive to be. I am looking forward to going someplace fun on my anniversary with my husband. He wants to go to South Carolina and look at all the historic sites....puke. I'll pass. I'll go to SC but I'm not going to the Cotton Museum....I'll sit poolside or beach side or massage table side..with a drink. He can go alone...and this is why I love him; he will.
What we do in our marriage and who we are in our marriage shapes who/how our children will be. We as parents set examples for our kids on what is and is not acceptable in a relationship; this isn't rocket science. Syntax and grammar are rocket science, I digress. My parents were divorced a combination of 6 times in my childhood and adolescents, but that doesn't mean I can't form lasting relationships. It just means it may take me a little longer :) I want my kids to grow up knowing how important it is to love someone, to trust someone, and to respect someone so that they can form long lasting relationships. Marriage is important and family is important. All we have in this human experience is our family and friends and God. Make it good.

Control

I can't control a lot of things. I can't control most things. I have nothing to do with the weather, other people's bad decisions, my hair. This is why I like to cook. I love to cook. I'm a good cook. Not Top Chef worthy, but good nonetheless. I can control what goes on the table. I can throw it out and cook a pizza if I need to ( it happens). I cook when I'm stressed out. I cook when I'm happy. I cook when I'm suffering from PMDD (look it up, men). Last week I made about a million dozen cookies and threw out half of them because my family doesn't really eat that many cookies. I just threw out 1/2 dozen brownies that were made from scratch that were fancy delicious...but I was done with them. I wish I felt more control over my life, other people's decisions, my hair. But I don't. I ask God for help continuously to make me a better person and to make me forgiving and understanding. But, I lead with my sarcasm so I don't think those prayers are always answered. I create something and then toss it. I start from scratch. I think I'm searching for something that I can't find......oh, yeah, CONTROL!
Anyone else searching for something they can't seem to find?

Halloween/All Saint's Day

Halloween is a tough time of year for. It is probably my favorite holiday. We have a huge family and friend's Halloween party with friends and family members from all sides, and I mean ALL sides. It's kind of odd, but we are odd. It was one of Wendy's favorite holidays, too. This is why it is so hard. Two years ago this month she died and left us to celebrate our favorite Holiday by ourselves. I left a witch at her grave this year and I'm quite certain it was the ONLY grave with a witch on it. But, she loves it I'm sure. This holiday brings back so many memories. Some good and some not good; one year we were on the outs and didn't spend it together and it was the worst Halloween ever! But yesterday I was overcome with sadness and happiness at the same time. We went to see her son, Alex, play in a band competition and I could imagine her watching and smiling at him. I cried a few times during his performance, luckily no one noticed. I would say I felt her presence yesterday. I pray it's true, I pray God let's us look in on our family. I pray she sees us tonight, me dressed like a hooker (Snookie), Lilya dressed like a dog, the boys dressed as the dorks they are.
Today at church our pastor reminded us that it's All Saints Day tomorrow and to pray to the one's we've lost. Please pray for each other.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities s that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us

Yes, He's Going to Freakers Ball.

So, I posed on Facebook a couple of weeks ago to get other people's opinion about whether or not I should let my son (13 years old) go to Freakers Ball. The overwhelming majority said 'hell, no". But, I have gone against the majority. He's going. Here's why. I don't feel like I have to justify it to anyone but I want to share my reasons (ok, so that's justifying it to you). He LOVES music. Music appears to be his one and only passion as of yet. It's not my favorite type, heavy metal/rock, but it's ok. I read a lot of the lyrics when he gets new cd's and they're not too bad. A few 'f' bombs are dropped here and there, but they get dropped in my home here and there too sometimes. I don't want to stifle the passion. I don't want for him to feel like I don't accept the type of person he is becoming. What if someday he is a famous drummer? What if then he gets on stage at Madison Square Garden and says "Thanks mom for letting me be me" and paves the way for other kids to feel accepted. What if? Also what if he never becomes a famous drummer? Then who gives a shit, so he went to a rock concert and heard some 'f' bombs and saw some scantily clad ladies....then what? Then he leads a regular life and goes on with his passion in his free time. I don't want to be the person that says 'no' to someones dreams. Maybe it's silly but he could very well be a famous drummer someday. He has all the qualities: Handsome, Smart, ADHD, Good with the Ladies, Mad Drumming Skills....that is all you need. I think I am making the right decision. Yes, there are weirdos at Freakers Ball....but it's all about the music for him. There are really great bands this year. I hope the ladies keep their privates covered but if not, oh well....he sees that at the pool.

What's on the shelves in your school's library?

The last couple of weeks have been educational. In the parenting sense. A friend of mine has a daughter that checked out a book from her middle school library. The title is What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know by Sonya Sones. This book was an extremely inappropriate book to be in the hands of an 11 year old child. It talks about many things that 11 year olds should not know or care about. What is concerning is that this book and many others are available in your child's school library. The librarian doesn't have time to read every book, obviously. But, shouldn't there be a screening for appropriate books to fill a library for middle school children? The boy in the book states that he would rather feel his girlfriends breast than be in an orgy with Victoria's Secret models.......Is this really ok for your 11 year old kid to read? All the reviews for this book give glowing comments, two thumbs up, award winning....The dilemma comes here....who gets to decide what I think is appropriate for my kids to read? You, me, the librarian, the principal, Jenny on the block? Who gets to decide that there will be no discussion of God or morality, but books about sexual conquests of adolescents fill the shelves? I hate that book was there but I hate worse that someone else that I don't know how/why gets to decide what my kids can and cannot read. I greatly value literature (except for anything written by Jane Austin). Literature opens doors for people and is a fabulous creative outlet, but why is that book in a public middle school library?
I am a pretty open parent. I think the truth is the best way to go. I don't lie about or cover up much when it comes to their questions about sex. If I'm honest then they are better armed for the future, it's coming right around the corner.....and for some of you, it's here. It makes me nauseous thinking about it, but it's coming. There were two 8th graders pregnant at my son's school last year and one this year at my husband's school. What the heck is going on? Why and how were these kids able to engage in such adult actions? Is it because they hear and read and talk about it so openly now? I'm at a loss. I just know that when the male birth control shot/pills becomes available, I will tell my kids they're diabetic and they have to take this medication.......That's my plan.

Love and Family

When we were at the carnival yesterday JC and Eli were playing carnie games and they both won a small prize. The game attendant said they could trade in the two small prizes for one medium prize if they wanted. JC instantly told Eli to trade them in for a panda to give to Lilya (my niece, she is treasured). Eli wanted the light saber and would not do it. So JC was so disgusted at Eli for being selfish and not getting Lilya  the damn panda. He razzed him for the rest of the day and still is razzing him today. JC understands the importance of family and thinking about others even when they are not there. No offense to Eli, but he is only 8 and we are all still a little selfish at 8 because the world still revolves around us, right!!! It made me proud that JC was instantly ready to sacrifice his 'prize' for his cousin because he loves her.
We have a very strong sense of family. I think family is the most important part of our lives. The interactions we have with each other, the love we share, the memories, good and bad...They make us who we are. Families and the chaos that ensues make us human. They make us whole. My family is pretty chaotic. We have been through many divorces and drama and still love each other. I love all of my ex-step moms...my kids call one of them Me-Maw and she and my dad have been divorced for over 20 years. I consider my ex-step brothers and sisters as still my family. We are a good an also certifiable group. When my sister died we became a tighter group. I love them more. I love my family more because of her death.
I have lived without my older brother for most of my life. He is in the military and has been for the last 23 years. He is retiring next year and planning to move back to us. I am so excited and it makes my heart so happy. He has been the missing link (no offense, Todd). I wish Wendy were here to share in his homecoming. I miss her so much. I still think to myself that I need to call her and tell her then I quickly realize she won't pick up the phone. But, she will listen in her own way. My boys and my nephews and niece will have a chance to be closer to their uncle and cousin and create room for a whole new chance at memories. I want my kids to have a strong sense of family; it's my biggest mission. I think I'm succeeding.
We only get one shot to live and to love and to laugh. God's most important commandment was to love one another. If you'd like to all join hands and sing Kumbaya then let's. I would do anything for my family even if I didn't want to do it. Not only because God asks me to, but because I love them.